Super Lolo Enrile, Aquinomics Bomb, Napoles-Luses: Firecrackers and fireworks to mark the end of 2013

By Dine Racoma, as originally posted at Super Lolo Enrile, Aquinomics Bomb, Napoles-Luses: Firecrackers and fireworks to mark the end of 2013

 

It’s that time of the year again. As usual, the Philippines just can’t celebrate the New Year without the blasts and bangs. For a more fitting celebration, consider lighting up the following fireworks and firecrackers to celebrate the great times and blast to oblivion the bad and ugly.

Super Lolo Enrile and Lolo Thunder

Don’t be fooled by the wrinkly packaging of these firecrackers. They still pack a punch. They have the longest expiration date among fireworks. They just refuse to perish. However, be prepared for the stench they leave. Also notably, they would try to overwhelm other less than stellar fireworks but would inauspiciously turn tosilence and disregard when faced with a louder firecracker.

Aquinomics Bomb

This firecracker is touted for its “spectacular” performance, being one of the best in Asia. However, exposing it to winds and moisture can affectits explosive power. It will not easily become a dud but many are not pleased by how it is named. There are those who consider it overrated and overhyped. There are also those who say that the naming smacks of credit grabbingor at least a failure to share due credit. Some say that this firecracker had a considerable portion derived from another manufacturer’s formula. Whatever the case may be, users will likely be concerned only on the results and how much satisfaction they can get from this firecracker’s explosive power.

Napoles-Luses

This curious piece of firework is puzzling. It starts with a pleasant–albeit forced–light. Then, it suddenly becomes silent and seemingly inactive. You can’t call it a dud because it still occasionally produces little sparks and sounds. It appears to be taking cues from Lolo Thunder. It turns to complete silence in the presence of Lolo Thunder. If you want something new for your New Year celebration—if you want to frustrate yourself, get this firecracker!

Whistleblower Bomb

These firecrackers are noisy but they produce precise and well-coordinated sounds. Put them side-by-side with Napoles-Luses and the latter would start working erratically.

Boga Revilla

Use this canon-like implement if you want to aim your blasts at neighbors who you think should share the blame for all the misfortunes you have in 2013.

Jinggoy Bells

This does not really qualify as a firecracker. It is packaged as one but it completely fails expectations. Also, just like Boga Revilla, you can use it to annoy your neighbors if you think they’re also to blame for your unfortunate predicament.

Sinturon ni Hudas

This firecracker is a collection of loud, irritating, and treacherous mini explosives. Take one of them out to blow up alone and you’ll think it’s harmless. Light them up according to their design and experience a barrage of blows that couldn’t more appropriately represent all the waste of money you have spent on them.

Piccolo Barrel

There’s nothing special about this firecracker. It’s a one-stick-one-shot affair. However, you can get a box with around 60 sticks in it. It’s cheap when individually bought so the expensiveness of using it is not easily noticeable. Be reminded, though, that this is the firecracker that has the most victims in the country. Politicians love it because people hardly notice how it could be damaging. Because it has apparently become commonplace, it continues to be tolerated by many.

Sabah Claimant Sparklers

They produce sparks that would somehow symbolize hope and a good cause. However, they seem to be at the wrong place and the wrong time. They produce a lot of smoke and are hardly capable of creating a celebratory illumination. They seem to be aimed at achieving something grand but are obviously bound to fail. Some are calling them useless and lighting them up would be a futile exercise. Even the barangay officials and high school student council presidents are not inclined to use them for their parties.

MNLF Wheel

This fireworks item has been around for a very long time but it has not changed tack. All it does is to keep turning and turning around. If you like beating around the bush or seeing something doing the same thing all over again, this is the fireworks product for you. It will remind you that some things just keep repeating themselves and are better dealt with by crushing them to oblivion.

Made in China

Competing with the Made in Bulacan fireworks and firecrackers, the Made in China brand is sure to annoy most Filipinos. However, no matter how hard they try to boycott it, it just seems impossible to do anything significantly close to a boycott. The manufacturers of this firecracker are notorious for resorting to cutthroat pricing at the expense of lacking compassion and being not socially responsible with their business practices, regardless of what others may say. To hell with air pollution and climate change – they’dprobably be retorting. If you are looking for an effigy for everything evil about the Chinese, these firecrackers are a good option. They could even be cheaper than a typical effigy.

Super Yolanda

And it’s for real! The Super Yolanda firecracker does exist! It has the most dreadful name among other firecrackers although its damage may not be as severe as the accumulated injuries caused by Piccolo Barrel or the very long-lasting Super Lolo Enrile.

The LesBomb

In 2013, Charice came out. Jodie Foster made her coming out in a Golden Globes speech. Fast & Furious and Avatar star Michelle Rodriguez did the same. Near the very end of the year, Robin Roberts, one of Good Morning America’s anchors, also came out. Looks like 2013 is a great year for gay women. Celebrate the coming out with the Lesbomb and enjoy a less flashy celebration that still comes with a bang.

Miss Fireworks

They deliver gorgeous and stunningly beautiful displays of light. At least three varieties are available. The ethereally beautiful Miss World unleashes beautiful sparks and blasts you would only see for the first time in the Philippines. Miss Supranational is quite new and not that well-known but it shines bright in the sky and offers a mesmerizing sight to behold. The third variant, Miss International, creates a grand spectacle worthy to use for a finale. These are perhaps the only usable options in this list for celebrating the new year.

Watusi-cretary Tayag

An annoying firecracker that keeps dancing without any regard for the awkwardness. His “dancing” is hardly enjoyable. You’d probably be amused only because it seems to be willingly making fun of itself. If you want to start the new without being too serious with things, light a Watusi-secretary Tayag. Just be sure you are not easily irritated.

Enjoy the New Year and start with a positive outlook. Of course, you are not compelled to use the fireworks and firecrackers mentioned. Just think of them as a way of taking things lightly while using symbolisms to blast away those things you disdain or to marvel at the beauty of the things in the past year that have pleased you.

Happy New Year!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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